The bible explicitly says: “…With all thy getting get understanding” (Proverbs 4.7).

Good understanding is a fundamental ingredient for successful family relationship. There is no substitute to having a good understanding of your spouse, as this will enable you appreciate every little thing about him/her.

1Peter 3:7 says, “…Dwell with your wife (or husband) according to knowledge…” Why knowledge? Because knowledge is power. That is what keeps the relationship on. When you are empowered with knowledge things begin to go well for you as you always know what to do in every given situation. The reason some couples always have crisis in their relationships is because they don’t know each other. 

Remember that every individual is unique in his or her own way. Your spouse is a unique person, you need to study him or her to know what to say, when to say it and how to say it. Don’t assume that what works for Mr. and Mrs. ‘A’ will naturally work in your home. Take time to understand the peculiarities of your spouse in order to relate well.

No matter the level of your relationship with your spouse, you must know what to do in every situation; you must always have a plan of action that will establish peace in the home at all times.

As a man you need to treat your wife with love and respect if you don’t want your prayers hindered. See what the bible says,

In the same way, you married men should live considerately with (your wives), with an intelligent recognition, (Of the marriage relation), honoring the woman as (physically) the weaker, but (realizing that you) are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off – otherwise you cannot pray effectively.

– 1Peter 3:7 (Amp)

Some spouses are not considerate at all and as such they place uneasy demands on each other.

You must be sensitive to the needs and desires of one another. A lot of couples don’t know much about each other’s needs. So they are not committed to one another. When you become sensitive to the needs/desires of your spouse, you make the relationship lively, which results in smooth sailing all through the years. If your husband just returned from a journey, the first thing he needs is a bath, food and rest. Don’t start with, “I need money for housekeep” or other concerns of the home.

On the other hand, there are some men, who when their wives ask for housekeep money, they become very aggressive and wild! That is the time they complain about their car, the structure they are erecting for the family shelter, children’s school fees and so on. It should not be so, because the man has the responsibility to meet the family’s basic needs. That is why he is the head of the family, it is his sole responsibility.

There are some men who give in to peace only when they have some money in their accounts, but once the money finishes, the home would be on fire. He would begin to behave like ‘the lion of the tribe of his family’; putting everybody under pressure.

A major reason for marriage is relationship. We are built for constant fellowship. This is why God’s word says, “It is not good for a man to be alone (or to be without relationship)” (Genesis 2.18-25). Some couples live together but they do not relate, they are not careful to meet the needs of one another. You must relate with your spouse to make your marriage lively. Please be sensitive to each other’s needs and desires.

One of the ingredients you need for good understanding in marriage is a right attitude. Your attitude determines your altitude in life. When you have a positive attitude your marriage relationship will work.

You also need cooperation. Always cooperate with your spouse in all matters. Many couples live as if their input in their marriage relationship is not needed. No marriage can last like that; the cooperation of both the man and the woman is needed to make it work. The Bible says, “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling” (Phil 2:12). In other words, marriage must be worked out, it is a personal responsibility. You don’t watch a stable marriage happen; you work it out.

As a Christian you must cultivate a good character to be able to win in marriage. You must covet the very nature of Christ and make it your lifestyle. Don’t make lying your way of life, let the fear of God always be in you.

Lastly, one other thing that enhances good understanding between married couples is submission. And the submission is two-way because the Bible says:

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God – Eph 5:21

Just as the woman is expected to submit to her husband, the husband ought also to respect the views, ideas and suggestions of his wife as it has to do with their relationship in the home.